One liners

Definition of a Cardi: "A Scotsman robbed of his generosity." or "A man who can buy an item from a Jew, sell it to a Scotsman and make a profit."

A Cardiganshire man in his will left to his wife "all the goods in the bed, over the bed and under the bed."

Have you heard of the Cardiganshire farmer who stuck a mirror to his dog's feeding bowl to make him think he was getting two bones for his dinner?

Item in Cardiganshire hotel bill: Wear and tear of mirror 10 pence.

Cardiganshire proverb "There's one advantage in being poor. It's very inexpensive."

First Cardi: "Didn't I see you at the travelling circus last week? Why didn't you take your little boy?"

Second Cardi: "He didn't have any money."

When Captain Jones went to sea his family kept a light burning in the window for twenty years. When he finally came home they gave him a tremendous welcome and an electricity bill for £876.

In Cardiganshire the local bread is so light in texture that a pound loaf only weighs eight ounces.

One Cardiganshire farmer would never light a fire even in the middle of winter. Instead he used to suck a humbug and the rest of the family would sit round his tongue.

Cardiganshire bill

Item 1 Fresh egg (Markit Pryce) = 50p.

Item 2 Ware and tare of hen = 25p.

The beaches in Cardiganshire seaside resorts are the safest in the whole of Britain. No one has ever drowned there from bathing after a heavy meal.

"Has that old Cardi farmer paid his bill yet?" asked the dentist's wife. "No", replied the dentist, "he not only refused to pay, he gnashed my own teeth at me."

Cardiganshire coalman to his son: "Dai, what has your mam done with the new coalsacks?"

"She's made pillows out of them."

"What a waste of good sacks. Why couldn't she use the old ones?"

An old Cardiganshire farmer had to go into hospital for an operation. As soon as he arrived at the hospital he was given a good bath. As he left the bathroom he said to the attendant: "Well, I'm glad that's over. I've been dreading that operation for years."

One old Cardi dairyman was so mean that after skimming his milk on the top, he used to look up and down the street from his shop and if there was no one around, he would turn it over and skim it on the bottom.

At a typical Cardiganshire party, the main room is completely bare except for two bowls on the central table. As the guests arrive they place their false teeth carefully in one bowl and chew a walnut taken from the other.

In answer to a written question the Secretary of State for Wales told the House of Commons that there had been eight cases of fraud in Carmarthenshire, twelve cases of fraud in Pembrokeshire, and two cases of attempted fraud in Cardiganshire.

A note for Cardis "You can't take it with you, and even if you could if would melt."

A Cardi is a man who only cries over spilt milk if there's a water shortage.

Visitor to Cardigan seaside resort: "I want to buy a toothbrush". Shopkeeper: "I'm sorry, but our summer novelties haven't come in yet."

One year a Cardiganshire farmer had exceptionally good crops which he contemplated gloomily and declared: I'm sure such a great crop will put a terrible strain upon the land."