One liners

If you ever wondered where all the Davies's come from, there's a big factory outside Bridgend with a sign outside saying "Davies Manufacturing Co. Ltd."

One old Welsh family in Llandovery is very proud of its pedigree that covers five large skins of parchment. In the middle of the third page is a note in the margin "About this time the world was created."

Tourist in Barmouth: "Have you got anything in the shape of motor car tyres?" Storekeeper: "Oh, yes. We've got lifebuoys, invalid cushions, funeral wreaths and doughnuts."

When you can see the coast of Devon from Swansea it is going to rain. When you can't, it is raining already.

Sign outside a cafe in Rhyl. "Fish and chips 90p. Children 50p."

And the latest news from the Glamorgan county cricket ground at St. Helen's in Swansea: Two and a half inches of rain have fallen for seven runs.

The 'little trains of Wales' are famous for going up steep hills but they don't all have powerful engines. On one railway train, the engine is so weak that when the driver blows the whistle it stops the engine.

There's a sleepy little town in mid-Wales called Llandyfnod.

Father: "Now Baby say Dad, Da-da-da"
Mother: "Come on baba, say Mam, Mam-mam-mam"
Baby: "D-d-damn."

First Welshman: "How are you, I hope?" Second Welshman: "Thank you, no doubt."

A witness in a court case in North Wales was asked if he would like an interpreter. "No sir," he replied emphatically, "I speak two spokes."

A Welshman was loosing a golf match until his opponent badly sliced a crucial shot. "Ah", he exclaimed, "I'm afraid you're in the bunker, I hope."

Three Welshmen in a pub praising the beer:
First Welshman: "Best glass of beer I never tasted no better.'
Second Welshman: "So did I neither."
Third Welshman: "Neither did I too."

"Yes", said the proud mother, "our Evan is up in London learning pharmacy."

"Well, he needn't have gone all that way," replied Mrs. Jones the farm, "he could have come to our farm to learn and welcome."

Welsh Landlady: "Don't call them jugs, Mari, they are ewers." Maid: "Oh, thank you Mrs. Morgan, and are all these basins for me too?"

Notice outside London theatre: "The part of the Welshman has been filled. The Dai is cast."

A visitor to Llanrwst asked a local resident to direct him to the house of Mr. Evan Griffiths. The reply was: "You see those two houses at the top of the hill? Well, Mr. Griffiths lives in the middle one."

Two women in Splott were having an angry argument on the pavement when the daughter of one of them popped her head out of the window and shouted "Quick! mam, call her a thief before she calls you one."

Road sign in North Wales: "Yes, you can't!"